I've come a long way since that night in December, when I finally shared my brokenness with Jacob. Looking back on it now, it's hard to exactly remember what the feelings were like...and I'm okay with that!
One of my favorite books of the Bible is James...so much good stuff in that one, so much. One of the first few verses has really been loud to me these past few months, "Consider is pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Complete. Not lacking. I want to be those things. I made a note in my Bible a few weeks ago that looks like this....trials = completeness, wholeness. The fact is, I can't be complete, I can't be like Jesus, if I don't have to hop over a few hurdles now and then. And I want to be like Jesus.
So, yes, I am considering it a blessing that I have had to fight this battle, endure this trial. Here's why:
- I had to rely and trust in God more than I think I have ever had to
- I got to see God's work and provision in my life up close and very personal
- It made me more confident in that I am who God made me. I am the mother He made me. I am not a perfect mother, and that's okay.
- Not that I have ever been insecure in my marriage, but it made me even more secure to feel Jacob's love and his strong, protecting arms around me.
- I was reminded of just how awesome my friends are.
I could have let this battle define me. I could have believed the "I"m weak" lies. And I would be in the same place, probably worse, than I was a few months ago. But now, oh, now God has restored my joy. He has restored my smile, my happiness, my love for being a stay-at-home mommy. He has restored me to the life He has so richly blessed me with.
To read a little follow up post I wrote a few months later, completely in love with life and in awe of the Lord...click here