I don't know you. I know your name. A little bit of your history. But we will likely never meet face to face. Honestly, in some ways I'm okay with that....but at the same time it breaks my heart. I have times where I'm so mad at you and I want to scream "Why?! How could you?!" And then I'm reminded of the brokenness of this world and I'm grieved because you were trapped in it. And that's when I want to take you in my arms and say "I love you....not of my own ability....but with Jesus' love for you. And, yes, precious lady...He does love you. Even now." I love you for giving life to my son. You could've chosen a dark alley in Colombia and ended it all there. But you didn't, you chose life and in choosing life you chose love for him...and now I have the son my husband and I have prayed gut-wrenching prayers for....the brother my children have dreamed of.
There's things I want you to know, should miracles happen and you stumble across this post and somehow just "know" that you're looking into the eyes of the baby boy you gave birth to.
I want you to know that....
....he's adventurous. He loves to climb and he makes his mama's heart nervous.
....he loves to build and he's so intense when playing with blocks. He can sit and do this for hours.
....he was loved here, in one of the best orphanages Colombia had to offer.
....he's so precious when he sleeps and I could watch him all night. He's a good sleeper and, just like me, likes his sleep :-)
....the joy that filled my heart that first morning I woke up and saw him sleeping in his bed next to mine - it's the same joy I felt the first morning with all of my children...they are all the same in my heart.
....he's the cutest and newest Tennessee VOLS fan
...his first Popsicle was pineapple-kiwi - but he didn't eat it all because the cold was a little too much for his mouth
...he loves hamburgers, and he's gonna fit right in at home in America
...his favorite animals at the zoo are the iguanas - and he couldn't take his eyes off of them on his first trip there
...even when he has his moments - we just scoop him right up and love him through them. And we always will.
....he has two big sisters and a big brother who simply adore him.
...he has a father who loves him and wants to lead him and that our baby boy already wants to be just like his daddy
....and he has a mommy who promises to never let go.
And I want you to know that he will know the most important thing about you...that you chose life for him. And in choosing life, you gave us one of the most precious gifts we could've ever hoped for...you gave us all love.
I don't know what your life is like now....if you think about him, wish you had done things differently, carry guilt or remorse - or maybe you're living a full and happy life now. I will never know. But I love you and my deepest prayer for you will always be that sometime, somewhere along the way - someone has shared the unconditional, redeeming love of Christ with you. Because if you know that love, then precious lady, we will meet in heaven. And I will hug you and thank you and our families will forever worship our Jesus together.