"When the train you are on goes into a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw your ticket away and jump off the train. You trust the engineer." Corrie Ten Boone
I have to be honest...I'd never heard the above quote until Monday morning. I stumbled upon it as I scrolled through my news feed on "the Facebook". There's some stuff you can scroll quickly past with just a glance. But there's some people that when you see their name - you know 9 times out of 10 they've got something good to say and it will do you well to read it and take notes.
So that's what happened. One of those people shared this quote in his status. Boom. Perfect. I loved it.
It's so simple - you'd be an idiot to jump off of a moving train in a dark tunnel...why not keep with the one you trusted to get you there in the first place?
And so it is with Jesus. I hoped on the Jesus train many years ago. I've been through dark tunnels. Others have been through darker ones. I've been stuck in those tunnels for what - at the time - seemed like forever. I've also flown right through them as if the lights only flickered, quickly catapulted back into bright sunlight.
It also connects with a favorite song of mine - Oceans by Hillsong United. Hands down, here is the best line of that song...
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders..."
Trust that isn't held captive. Trust that holds strong in a dark tunnel.
I saw my friends post this morning sometime between my first and second cup of coffee - which I drank as I waited to call the doctor for my little man. Jacob and I had spent the middle hours of the night in the ER with him after he vomited up something I thought was a lot of blood. Praise Him that it wasn't blood, but something was up with my child and we needed to follow up with our pediatrician.
I went over everything with her...any and all symptoms he'd had in the past several days. Extreme thirst during the day and throughout the night, loss of appetite, and - after seeing his weight on the her scale - a weight loss of almost two pounds. That's when she asked me if the ER staff had ordered a blood sugar lab. I told her no and the words she said next were:
"Those are symptoms of juvenile diabetes."
It took my breath away. My grip around his little waist tightened in an attempt to protect him from a possible life-changing diagnosis. My eyes stung with tears and I tried with everything in me to stay calm so Creek wouldn't be upset, too.
We went to the bathroom to try to catch a urine sample - which was great fun with a potty-training 2 year old.
My mind was flooded with fear and anxiety. This would change a lot of things for our family. I feared for how this could limit my son in the years to come. How was I ever going to get a handle on all of the information I needed to know in order to keep my son alive and healthy?
And just as quickly as my mind was consumed with these thoughts...I was then flooded with peace.
Trust the Engineer.
Don't jump off the train.
Trust without borders.
And that was it. If he had diabetes, he was still "fearfully and wonderfully made" by the Father of Creation. God still "knew his every need". He would let me "cast all of my fears on Him". He still had a "plan with a future and a hope" for my son. He gave me a "peace that surpassed all understanding."
And so the dark tunnel was short-lived...like flickering lights.
Ten minutes, one urine sample, and one finger prick later and our doctor smiled and said he was fine in regards to diabetes.
My heart was, too. My heart was fuller, stronger - my trust sturdier.
I had stayed on board with my Engineer. He gave me His peace. Because that's what He does. That's what only He can do...give all of us the peace that we desire in the darkest of tunnels.
* I'm happy to update that my son is very constipated - and a little impacted....this caused the vomiting (ew gross!), the fever, the extreme thirst, the loss of appetite, and weight loss. Thankful for something we can easily treat. Thanks for the prayers!