Which Road to Follow

Friends, adoption has a beautiful ending...one family, one child, finally together forever.

But it has an ugly beginning and a hard journey.

Today, I'm going to fill you in on one of the hard parts of our journey.

In a recent post, I was so excited to tell you that our family was being actively advocated for with the Colombian adoption people.  I was on cloud 1,009!  It didn't mean our process would speed up, but it did mean an active search was being made to match us with our son.

And then we got other news...

In the spring, I told you about the director of adoptions for Colombia resigned and it could possibly mean some changes in the adoption process.  Hear me on this, please...any changes that are going to make the process better, more efficient, and quicker for these children deserves a hallelujah in my book.  But sometimes that can mean it won't be the best for our family.

Since the resignation of the director, a few changes have occurred...the most recent affecting our family.

Colombia initially said they were only going to allow international families to adopt children who had special characteristics: older children, sibling groups, or children with medical needs.  No big deal as we are open to medical needs that our family can take on...more on that later.

Well, now they've said they are going to focus (with international families) on the 11,000+ children on their waiting list who are available for adoption at this very minute.  It's crazy ridiculous that there are that many children ready and waiting...just waiting.  How does this affect our family?

The children on these list are the ones that are very hard to place...sibling groups, older children, and children with severe medical needs.  We cannot adopt siblings, we are adamant on keeping the birth order of our children for several reasons, and the medical needs that are most often found on this list are out of the range of medical needs that we, as a family, can take on.

What does that mean? 

We may have to switch countries.

You may remember how we bounced all over the world before we finally landed on Colombia in a beautiful way.  In the months since then, I have dreamed about and prayed about a little Colombian boy who would be mine.  I have been caught creepily lovingly staring at precious little Hispanic toddlers wondering if my son would resemble him or would like the same activities.  

The good thing is, our country has adoption programs in 15 countries and as long as we stay with our agency, which we will, we will not lose any of the fees that we have already paid.  

While we haven't received clear direction from the Lord to leave the Colombia program, nor has our social worker advised us to do so, we have begun researching other programs within our agency.

Is this type of change normal in adoption? There is nothing "normal" in adoption - except that at the end of the long, winding, up and down, journey a family is finally complete.  Change happens a LOT in international adoption.  Countries suspend their programs for a while, they shut them down, dossiers are unexpectedly denied...it happens.  We knew it would happen when we started.

To say that this doesn't hurt my heart a little would be a lie.  I'm confused and I feel like we are wandering, again.  But I take comfort in knowing that I can "Trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not into my own understanding. In all of my ways I will acknowledge Him...and He will direct my path." Pro. 3

We will keep "Seeking first His kingdom...and all these things will be added to us." Matthew 6

With "Prayer and thanksgiving, we will present our requests to God...and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds." Phil. 4

We know that in all of the confusion and frustration and heartache, as we "pass through the waters, He will be with us; and when we pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over us. When we walk through the fire, we will not be burned; the flames will not set us ablaze." Isaiah 43

We know that Colombia was "our" plan a...and it still may be where our son is.  But we also know the Lord declares that "His thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are His ways our ways." (Isiah 55) and that He saw this coming from the very beginning...from the time He formed Jacob and I in our mother's womb, He knew the plans that He had for us and every single thing that they involved.

So here's what I want you to know:

You can trust in these truths, as well,....no matter what you are facing.  God wants you to be His, He wants to walk through the good, the bad, and the ugly in whatever journey you're on.  Ours is international adoption where nothing is certain, nothing concrete, nothing secure....except for the journey itself....it is certain, it is concrete, and it is securely held in the palm of His hands.  Our son, wherever He is, 

will be ours in God's time and in His way.

It's no coincidence that the song "Help me Find It" comes on the radio every. single. time. I have gotten into the car the past 2 weeks (I heart LifeSongs)  Here's the chorus:

"If there's a road I should walk, help me find it.

If there's a need to be still, give me peace for the moment.

Whatever Your will, whatever Your will.

Would you help me find it."

That is our prayer...that God would show us the road to follow, that He would show us that we need to be still and wait - granting us peace in the process, and that He would help us find His will ... whatever it is.