The Ninth Day of the Month

I was going to write a post about a great idea my friend, Rebecca, gave me - to help me get through this wait.  Basically, we were officially added to the adoption waiting list on December 9 so each month on the 9th day of the month - I'm going to write my son a letter in this sweet journal she got me and just allow myself to feel the emotion of missing him and wanting him home as much as I need to...it's basically a day that I'm dedicating to him.

And I was going to tell you all about yesterday...how we sang His Eye Is On The Sparrow in church and I could only think about how His eye is also on my son and that I know He's watching him.

And I was going to tell you a little update we received a couple of weeks ago saying that our new "wait time" from the time we were approved (Dec 9) was now approximately 1 - 2 years instead of 6ish months.

And I had even thought I might share about the sisterhood of the non-traveling pants just for a good laugh.

But then we got a phone call.

From our social worker.

And there was news.  Big news to share.  Bigger than the 9th day of the month and the sisterhood of the non-traveling pants (although I may throw that one in here later this week - stay tuned).

Beth - our social worker - called to tell us we received a $7,000 grant from Show Hope.  Seven thousand dollars!! Oh my goodness.  Y'all, we were so blown away.  This is such an answered prayer - especially since the latest info we had seen on these grants were that there on average $4k-$6k.  So incredible!  We still have a couple of more grants to apply for and really pray we get and we will be fully funded!

But, y'all, that wasn't even the really big news.  Nope, there's news bigger than $7,000.

I can't share all the details just yet, but please pray for our adoption and the little boy who just may be ours.  I absolutely cannot wait to share it all with you, hopefully in another few weeks - but please, please, please pray for us and for this sweet little boy during this time.  He's just perfect :)

We've shared the details with some close friends and of course, our parents - and we're just asking you to pray.  And be ready to celebrate with us soon! Oh, y'all - God is so incredible!!!

We Can Rebuild

When Jacob and I first moved to New Orleans 8 years ago (wow...didn't realize it had been that long), the key phrase we heard on a daily basis was "We will rebuild" or "We're rebuilding" or something along those lines.  We moved here almost a year to the day of Hurricane Katrina.  A time when this beautiful city was broken and still in the very early stages of piecing back the life that so many people loved here, after it had been ripped apart by fierce winds and flooding waters.  It was a blessing to move here during that time, to be part of something so beautiful as serving the people of New Orleans not only in a physical sense of helping them rebuild, but also just to be able to sit with them and let them pour their hearts out.  Over the years, I've heard that phrase (and those like it) less and less and the city has come back to life in so many ways.  I never imagined the next time I would hear the words "We will rebuild", that it would be in reference to the son that I have not yet met.

I attended an incredible conference in Birmingham, Alabama last weekend called Empowered to Connect.  It's a partnership between Show Hope, Dr. Karyn Purvis, and adoptive parents Michael and Amy Monroe.  The conference is meant to give hope, resources, encouragement, connection, and so many other things to adoptive families who have chosen and committed to loving and parenting children from hard places....children plagued by institutionalization, child abuse, neglect, prenatal and childhood trauma, and other things that effect adopted children.

I was amazed at the amount of information we were given and had to stuff somewhere into our brains in a 48 hour time frame.  My eyes were crossed and my mind was numb when it was over.

You see, up until a few weeks ago, I was naive.  I thought that since we had chosen to adopt a younger child, that we wouldn't really have to deal with a lot of attachment issues - and I pray that we don't, that our son will immediately know and love me and receive my love as his mother.  But the reality is, there is a chance that he will not...even being adopted at such a young age.  As I made this realization a few weeks ago, I decided I was NOT going to freak out.  Do you know how hard it is for me to NOT FREAK OUT!  For the love...

But I chose to trust in Jesus and remember that He is the one who is before us in every step of this process...not just the paperwork and now the dreadful wait that we are in, but He will be there when we meet our son, when he is finally placed in my arms to be my son forever, and when we get on that plane to come home, and as we all start to adjust to being a family of 6 (whoa....) and as we begin to help him heal from whatever wounds are left gaping open from his past.

One of the first things Dr. Purvis said was, "You can rebuild their little minds and their little hearts and you can lead them to attachment."  When she said that, my mind couldn't help but go back to New Orleans and the disaster that plagued this city and the mess it was still in when we moved here.  And I couldn't help but think of how, over the years, the people of New Orleans came together and rebuilt this city and now it is beautiful and full of life again. We were here for a mission trip only a few months after the disaster, so to see it from the beginning of the disaster to now...amazing. God was in that.  God will be in our rebuilding process as we teach our son how to attach to our family in healthy ways.

Will it take a while? It very well could.  It could seem like it's better and then hit us like a storm in 10 years.  But you know what - after going to Empowered to Connect, I feel equipped to handle whatever storms his past wounds throw at him and our family and I will fight with him and for him through every single one of them.  Here are just a few statements from the conference that really stood out to me and I jotted down in our handbook:

"These children need to know and see their birthright."

"Don't lose sight of how precious these children are, look through the "poop" they are covered in." (the "poop" being their past wounds)

"My child CAN recover what they should have had or been given in the first 3 years of their life." (y'all, there are actual changes to the brain of children who have been in an institution, abused, neglected, or experienced prenatal or childhood trauma)

Perhaps my favorite....

"The journey isn't about making him mine, but COMPLETELY BECOMING HIS."

This conference touched on sensory processing disorder, strategies for change, attachment, adoption stories with happy endings and a happy ending in waiting from adoptive parents, and understanding the impact of a child's history.  I just want to encourage you - if you are an adoptive or foster parent and you're like, "What the crap is going on with us right now - why can't we come together?" or you're thinking about adoption and you're like "How in the world would we handle the hard days" (because there will be hard days) or if you're in process....please find one of these conferences and attend.  Or look through Dr. Purvis' website at her resources and do the training at home.

And, now, sweet friends, please continue to pray for us as we wait.  There's nothing new right now.  We still crave the encouraging words and prayers you offer to us at just the right time.  We hope that we will be matched or receive a referral soon - but, as always, we remember that we are on God's timeline, He is writing our story.  And please pray in advance as we prepare to rebuild the tiny little heart and mind that will be broken with wounds we cannot understand or fathom.  Pray that attachment would come quickly, but if it doesn't that we would remember the skills we have been given to help our son.  Pray that we would keep in the front of our minds that God doesn't call us to something, without equipping us to complete it.

Harsh Realities

I'm sitting here, looking at my girls watch our wedding video - or our "married movie" as they like to call it.  It's a sweet sight, really.  They've watched it before and I'm sure they will watch it many times again in the future.  We like to sit down and look at wedding pictures and videos as a family on our anniversary each year as a way to celebrate our "family's birthday".

But in the last few weeks, Anna Beth has faced a harsh reality in this world.

Like always, she made friends fast when she started kindergarten - my little social butterfly.  One friend just really attached to her and her teacher has even told me that AB helps this little friend throughout the day and is "good for him/her".  She comes home talking about this friend almost every day.

When I helped chaperon their first field trip (ps...bus rides are worse as an adult), I met this friends mom.  And I learned the story of all that their family is going through.  In 3 simple words...

An ugly divorce.  And AB's little friend is caught right in the middle.

You've probably seen  or heard of a similar situation before...mom hates dad so she talks horrible about dad; or dad despises mom and tells everyone he knows about how awful she is in every way.  And they forget the little people in their homes have ears, too.  And they forget that those little people love mom and/or dad - even though mom and dad don't love each other.

And so Anna Beth has stayed up to date on a lot of things going on in her sweet friend's home life.  And the harsh reality that two people broke the promise to love each other forever and to always be a family.

Please hear me - this is not a post about divorce itself. I'm not here to judge or make determinations about anyone's family and/or marriage. It's a post about the uncertainty that is now in my child's heart because she has discovered that divorce is real...because we've told her over and over and over again that we will always be a family and that we promised each other to always love each other the day we got married..

She looks at my wedding rings and asks, "Is this the one daddy gave you when he said 'Will you marry me?' and then he gave you this one when he promised to love you forever?"

Yes, sweet girl, that's exactly what these rings symbolize.

But that truth for her 5 year old little mind is shaken.  Not only is she realizing that sometimes people break promises in general, but the foundational promise that she trusts - that we are a family, forever - can be broken in some families.

She came home every single day from school last week with questions.

"Mommy, do you really promise to always love daddy?"

"Yes, sweet girl, I promise you and I promised daddy and I promised God."

"Daddy, do you promise I'll never have to have another mommy because you'll always live here with mommy?"

"Yes, I promise."

Every day, y'all.  Every single day.

My only guess is that something happened over Christmas break that is instilled in this friends heart and mind and they're still talking about it.  Still processing it.  Still grieving over it.  Still brokenhearted... That's a whole lot of "junk" for her 5 year old friend.

So in an effort to still her heart, we dug out the "married" movie.  Our wedding album will hopefully be back from Tennessee this weekend and we will sit down and look at the pictures over and over and over again.  I will get out the photo album of all the planning and showers and candid shots from that beautiful day.  If i had my dress here, I'd put it on for them and then give them a chance to wrap up in it.

Will it be easy to stay together forever? Nope - sure won't.  Marriage is hard.  Some days are harder than others.  Some days flow perfectly as if they're written by the best romance author in the universe.  But we've promised to be in it for the long haul.  We've promised to give it our best day in and day out.  We've promised to never quit.  We stood in front of friends and family to make these promises before God and we want them to ALWAYS  hold us accountable.

I see what this harsh reality is doing to my daughter.  I cannot fathom how her friend feels.

If you would, please pray for Anna Beth - that her trust in us and the promises we've made will be restored and strengthened; for her friend - that his parents, who fiercely love him, would contain their anger with each other and protect him; and for Jacob and I - that we would set an example for our kids and visibly display our promises to each other and our kids every day.

Merry Christmas to Us!!

I had an entirely different post swirling around in my head for today - but then we got a little early Christmas present, so, you know - obviously I have to share!! And now I can't even remember what the first one was going to be about!! Ha

I got a call from our social worker this morning and our dossier has been

APPROVED!!!!

Write it down on the timeline and celebrate because Colombia says "Yes, we believe you would be good parents to a child from our country.  We'll just let you hop on the 'ole waiting list for a bit!"

Y'all, this is a huge step.  We sent a large stack of official documents and evaluations and more personal information that I can't remember to Colombia on October 1...about 10 weeks ago.

The "timeline" given is about 2-3 months for dossier approval once you've submitted it.  However, in the past several months a LOT of changes have been taking place with Colombia adoptions and their process.  The biggest one - international families can only adopt children from their waiting child list...no biggie for us because that's the route we were already on.  

Colombia then began asking follow up questions to dossier's that were submitted. "Tell me more about what doctor your child will see..."; "How have you specifically prepared for...."; etc, etc.  They just added a little extra in their screening process.  However, this little extra step can push back approval by 6 - 8 weeks.  Their questions have to be translated to us, we have to answer, our answers have to be translated and submitted, someone has to get back around to looking at our answers.  Slow-moving, I tell you.  So, instead of a 2-3 month wait for approval, some families were waiting close to 6 months...I know some that have waited longer than that.  

So....2 weeks ago Beth told me that they did have a follow up question for us - "How did we know we were prepared/could handle the medical special needs we had listed in our dossier?"  She had already written a reply for this question and had our in-country attorney review it before receiving the official request for more information.  Well, because our in-country dude is stellar...he just sent it on.  ICBF read it, said "Oh, okay.  Yes, they are ready/know what they're getting into/whatever the actual words were....they're APPROVED!"

Fast forward to this morning - which we did not know the above conversations between in-country dude and ICBF had taken place already - Beth calls me.  She didn't share the above conversation with us because she wanted to know for SURE. We're just chatting a minute and talking about Christmas plans (y'all, this girl cares about us as people...as a real family, with hearts and issues and love and all of that - couldn't recommend a better adoption agency than Lifeline if you're considering it because while she is a one of a kind social worker....they're all awesome up there!) and then she says, "Well, do you want a Christmas present today?"

Honestly, I thought "How sweet, they probably send their families a little something for Christmas."

But I said, "Yes!!"

She said, "Your dossier's APPROVED!"

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSING FLOW!!!

And then I cried.  And I think she cried a little, too.  And my kids were running around pouring water into their cups of goldfish while wearing their jammies and/or a princess dress with high heels. But, whatever, I tell ya!!

So - Colombia says we're fit parents.  Thank you, hard-working-on-behalf-of-fatherless-children-in-Colombia officials.  Thank you so very much for this tremendous Christmas present :)

The really cool God-thing....ICBF shuts down about this time each year for a month surrounding the holidays.  Since we hadn't heard anything from them - we were very much expecting approval to at least be in mid-late January!! God can do anything and I love that about Him - among many other things :)

We were homestudy approved on my birthday, dossier approved for Christmas...I'm just gonna go ahead and put "My kid" on my Mother's Day wish list....

What happens now...

we keep waiting.

For how long...

dunno know.

What are we waiting for....

an official match with our kid.

Can I give you a guesstimate...

3-6 months from now, but we're not holding tight to that.

Then what....

we wait some more.

How long...

3/4 more months-ish.

And....

we GO GET HIM!!!!!!

Merry Christmas!!

What Love Is This....

This weekend, my family had the honor of sharing our testimony for Advent during our church's worship service.  When Maggie, our children's ministry director, first asked me if we would - I may have teared up a little...or a lot.  Being able to share about our adoption journey and glorify God and all that He has done just about makes my heart explode with joy.  Our family stood together in front of the church and this is what we said...

In January of this year our family started the journey of adoption.  It’s a journey that will lead us to a little boy in Colombia, South America….you might’ve heard of it J

It has been a long year full of home study interviews and paperwork.  Our family has been so blessed by all of the encouragement we have received from our family, church, and friends.  Watching God provide close to $15,000 to our family in less than 6 months was nothing short of miraculous. We continually stand in awe of all that He has done not only for us, but in us this past year.

We are now in the agonizing part of this journey where all we can do is wait – we wait for approval from Colombia and then we wait to find out just exactly who our son is.

About 2 months ago, we thought the wait was over.  Our social worker presented us with the file and picture of a precious 2 ½ year old little boy.  Almost immediately – we said ‘Yes! We want to be his mommy and daddy.”  We believed we had found our son and it was so sweet to look into his eyes.  We promised him love and a family – two things he had not had in his short little life.

A few days later, we found out that we would not be able to adopt this sweet boy.  There had been miscommunication between the Colombian government and our adoption agency.  Our family rejoices for this sweet boy – he couldn’t be ours because he was already being adopted by another family.

But our hearts were broken…crushed under a weight of grief that we could not explain.  We had been told to guard our hearts and not fall in love too quickly, but you can’t commit to being child’s mommy and daddy without loving them with the full force that comes from a parent’s heart.

But even in the midst of that experience and knowing that it could happen again, we have felt peace.

-    A peace that surpasses all understanding.

-    A peace that tells us to stay with God, to remember who He is, 

to trust in His plan, to know what He is for

-         A peace that comforts our broken hearts

-        A peace that we ask God to surround our son with at this very moment

It is the peace that came to this earth on the night Jesus was born.

Luke 2:11-14

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying. “Glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace and good will toward men.”

Even though Jacob and I were both terrified to be up there, speaking into a microphone, it was very special for us and our children...who wanted to know why they didn't get a turn to talk in the microphone =)

But then the most special part happened....

After the service, a beautiful young woman came up to me and called me by name.  She said she wanted to briefly tell me her story.  She said her mother brought her home from Honduras 31 years ago.  She said she was not the first, second, or third child her mother had tried to bring home.  She said her mother's heart was broken and her journey was tough - but she knew that God had ordained her mother to be her mommy.  She encouraged me in that God knows who our son is and that He has the big and perfect plan, no matter how painful it is.  She said her song for her mother is "What Love Is This"...which is one of my all time favorites.  

What love is this, that you gave your life for me
And made a way for me to know you
And I confess you're always enough for me you're all I need

This song is written about the love Christ has for us in that He laid down his life to make a way for us to be in a relationship with Him.  She said, "You know...my mom did that.  She laid her heart down for me over and over again so that I could be hers.  Hang in there, you will get to the son God has chosen for you."

I couldn't thank her enough for her encouragement and for sharing her beautiful story with me.  

The Apparent Project - A Win/Win Fundraiser

I am so incredibly excited about this last fundraiser for 2013.

The Apparent Project is absolutely wonderful.

In an effort to prevent children from becoming orphans due to poverty,

The Apparent Project teams up with local mothers and fathers in Haiti.

These men and women create beautiful, handmade bracelets.

The Apparent Project then purchases these upcycled bracelets from the artists,

giving them the ability to provide for the basic needs of their children...

food, clean water, clothes, shelter, education...

things most of us take for granted every single day.

The Apparent Project's passion...

"Our name reflects our passion: We want to see Haitian families stay together. Skill development and employment addresses the needs of families before they are at the point of desperation, driven to give their children to an orphanage because of exteme poverty. After all, the vast majority of Haiti's "orphans" have not been orphaned by parental deaths, earthquakes, hurricanes, or floods, but are children of living parents who gave them up simply because they knew that an orphange could feed their child. Lagging adoptions, overcrowding, and lack of accountability has made many orphanages less than adequate homes for children, who often develop severe emotional problems such as reactive attachment disorder. This is why we think of our artisans' guild as an "un-orphanage." We are finding creative ways for Haitians to be self-employed so that they can take care of their own children with dignity and joy."

This fundraiser is a total win/win situation.

When you purchase one of these beautiful pieces of jewelry, you are helping 2 families.

You are helping one family overcome extreme poverty and STAY TOGETHER! You are helping

to PREVENT A CHILD FROM BECOMING AN ORPHAN!

However, as we all know, there are children who could not stay with their families, like our son.

And there are families who are adopting these children, like our family.

Purchasing a bracelet also helps to bring our son home to us, forever!

The bracelets are $8...$4 to the artists to keep their family together and $4 to the adoptive family to help with expenses.

Each bracelet comes with a tag featuring the actual artist who made the bracelet and his or her story.

Each bracelet is multi-colored, beautifully crafted and upcycled from cereal and cracker boxes, oil drums, and trash paper.

These bracelets would make great teacher gifts, Christmas presents, stocking stuffers...

or a "just because I want one because they're so pretty" gift to yourself!

To order:

Click the "Coleman Adoption Fund" - PayPal "Donate" button to the right.  In the comments section, please enter how many bracelets you want and the address to mail them to.

Send me an email at:

jmalcoleman at gmail dot com

Find me on Facebook and shoot me a message

Or if you see me at church or around town, let me know and I can meet up with you!

Shipping is 50 CENTS per bracelet.

Thank you so much for considering a bracelet as an amazing Christmas gift! You're gift will not only be to the person you love - but also to the mother or father who created the bracelet, their children, our son, and our family.

Merry Christmas!!

PICTURE SOURCES

Christmas Shop for Us!

Hey, friends!! The Christmas shopping season is almost here...I absolutely cannot believe this year has gone by  SO INCREDIBLY FAST!! It's been quite the year.  November 1 - January 1 is my favorite time of year...gearing up for Thanksgiving celebrations, quality time with family, no school for a week, and then whipping right into the Christmas season with hot chocolate, snowmen, Christmas trees, Christmas carols and best of all, remembering and celebrating the birth of Christ.

This year, while you're shopping online for Black Friday and Cyber-Monday deals - and throughout 2014! - you can shop through a couple of links to the right of my blog and a portion of your purchases goes back into our adoption fund...A WIN/WIN!!

I think most of us are familiar with the amazing deals through Amazon for just about any product you can think of, so if you click on the Amazon button to the right, you'll be immediately shopping under our Amazon Associates heading...and then you simply shop as normal!  We get email alerts letting us know that purchases have been made and how much has been added to our account!

I only recently learned of the PureCharity organization a few months ago.  When you create an account with PureCharity (totally FREE!) and install their plug-in to your browser (free and easy!), it will show up anytime you shop online through a PureCharity supported store.  The logo will simply appear in the top right corner of your screen, it looks like this...

...you click on it, it reloads the page and you shop! A portion of your purchases go back into your account and you can pick what charity, organization, or family you wish to support.  There are TONS of great organizations to choose from, but we would be especially honored if you chose our family! You simply find us on there through their search button or come here and click on our button to go straight to our page! Then you choose our family to send your donation to.  All donations are sent directly to our adoption agency, Lifeline Children Services.  Pure Charity works with a lot of major retailers such as Apple, Target, Wal-Mart, Priceline, Gap, Forever 21, Pier 1, Bass Pro, Babies R Us...oh my goodness, just looking through the list makes me so excited! It even has a "shop local" option so you can help support local businesses in your area and our adoption at the same time!!

These are simple and great ways to make the most of your Christmas shopping this year!! We are praying hard that this will be the last year we spend Christmas without our son! Your purchases through our links will help to cover our travel costs to Colombia and our time spent there on things like hotel accommodations for 6-8 weeks, food, translators, in-country attorneys and paperwork, and our flights HOME!!

These links will be available on my blog until our adoption is funded, so please come back through here to shop Amazon or chose us through Pure Charity for any and all online shopping!

Please share this link with your friends and family to help us spread the word about these great ways to support our adoption during the holiday season.  You can share by clicking any of the social media buttons at the bottom of this post or sharing my link from Facebook.  

If you share it, shoot me an email at

jmalcoleman at gmail dot com or 

a Facebook message or

comment here or

comment on my Facebook post

and on December 3 (the Tuesday after Thanksgiving) I'll pick a winner for a $10 iTunes gift card!

(Please be sure and leave an email address or a way to contact you if you win)

Happy Shopping!!

PS - We will also be starting an Apparent Project soon as they come in the mail.  I canNOT wait to tell you more about this amazing ministry that helps sustain families in Haiti, preventing children from becoming orphans, and also helps adoptive families!  More to come next week!